


Fate - Part 1 (March 28 1998)

by Salmoneili



Series: HACF: Cam and Joe are just messing me up ... [8]
Category: Halt and Catch Fire
Genre: Angst, F/M, Joanie loves Jameron, Joanie rocks, No sex but a lot of lies, Pride parade and heart ache, Sweethearts and heart soaps, Will Haley get another big birthday surprise?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-22
Updated: 2020-09-24
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:55:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 19,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26599417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Salmoneili/pseuds/Salmoneili
Summary: Cam and Joe have been estranged since spliting up again in Oct 1994, after a year together. They’re both trying to get on with their lives, Cam decided the only way to finally get him out of her system is to go cold turkey and not see him, at all.Gordon’s eldest daughter has other ideas … will she succeed and become the biggest 'Queen Big Dick' or will her carefully laid plans blow up in her face?Note: reconnection not smut (for once)
Relationships: Cameron Howe/Joe MacMillan
Series: HACF: Cam and Joe are just messing me up ... [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1929043
Comments: 37
Kudos: 12





	1. Cam

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SimplyRali](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SimplyRali/gifts).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
> 'HACF: Cam and Joe are just messing me up ...' Series Notes  
> This all started with a simple idea to expand on the night of COMDEX 90 from Cam’s POV and then flipping it for Joe’s.  
> I got more than a little carried away… and they turned into epics.  
> Then I wanted to explore their relationship at different times, reflecting on their development as they change and grow, their history and quirks.  
> All the parts try to follow the HACF timeline and events depicted on the show as closely as possible, with a bit of creative license about events only referred to.  
> Exceptions  
> \- plot deviation when Cam and Tom tried for a baby  
> \- post-Ryan's suicide, Joe's apartment is in San Jose not San Francisco  
> The series is pretty racy – mostly Mature only, maybe could even be Explicit in place (sex only). You have been warned.  
> Some parts have a sprinkling of Easter eggs for other Lee Pace characters from TV shows and movies.  
> Feeding my obsession.  
> These are the current list, and I’ll upload more parts as I finish them.  
> So far there’s ….  
> S1 - ‘Stuck’ (June 1983) and ‘Curious’ (Oct 1983) (in progress)  
> S2 – NEW as of Jan 2021! ‘Goddammit’ (June 1985)  
> S3 – ‘COMDEX 90 (Cam)’, ‘COMDEX 90 (Joe)’ Friday, Nov 16 1990  
> S4 – NEW as of Jan 2021! 'Segue' (Oct 1992) and ‘Phone Call’ (Mid-Oct 1993)  
> Post-canon – ‘Fate - Part 1' (March 1998), ‘Fate - Part 2' (March 1998), NEW as of Feb 2021! 'Snippets' (A collection of shorts post-Fate (Post-March 1998) in progress)  
> \------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
> Lovely HACF fandom and readers - I would much appreciate some feedback and/or kudos.  
> \------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

See end notes for HACF Timelime and characters' birthdays

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ch.1

Cam re-read the email from Joanie and felt her anger flare up again.

She’d wondered if the younger woman had planned this all along.

It was too late to change her flight now. Besides, she wanted to see Gordons' daughters. Emails and phone calls aside, it’d been nearly a year since she’d last seen Haley and eight months for Joanie.

Where did the time go? she wondered.

She ground her teeth, she could just not go and lose the flight money.

On the other hand, Donna's house was big enough to avoid him.

She felt the rise of panic when she thought of him.

Fuck, Joanie, hating her for putting her in this position.

Joanie'd started planning a surprise party for Haley’s 19th way back in early February. Joanie having inherited her mother’s love of a good party, but not quite matching her exuberance, yet.

Cam’d agreed to go as Joanie had said that he couldn’t, it being in the middle of some mid-term exams or finals. She couldn’t remember which, and the reason wasn’t important anyway.

Joanie knew Cam’s strict rules where Joe was concerned, if he was there, she wouldn’t go.

In the last two years, both Haley and Joanie had stopped trying, as Cam had put her foot down and refused to be drawn any further on the subject.

Not that they’d had much opportunity as Cam and Joe were rarely in the same state these days, let alone in the same city.

Eighteen months ago, Cam'd moved to Florida to be nearer her mom, who was fighting a losing battle cancer. She’d got tired of travelling back and forth across the country in early 1996.

The tech world, and the advance in the World Wide Web and infrastructure, meant that she could work pretty much anywhere.

She was freelance and had a variety of projects lined up. Despite breaking with Alexa, others had pursued her, and she had the luxury of being able to pick and choose what she worked on.

She was currently working on small project improving the games testing process. It wasn't particularly well paid, but it was close to her heart after all that happened with Atari and her game, Pilgrim.

She tried to keep work in perspective more now, setting herself regular work hours and enjoying her time off more. Although, she still kept abreast of new innovations and dabbled with new game ideas. She liked pushing the envelope with the new graphic possibilities that were improving at an exponential rate.

She found it easier without the pressure of working for a games monolith. She'd released a couple through an independent label, and while they weren't worldwide hits, she'd found them more satisfying as she'd been able to release her visions without too many compromises. She enjoyed a reputation for challenging the player and had achieved a cult following of devoted gamers.

She also made time for herself more, and enjoyed more non-tech activities. When she wasn’t with her mom and her partner, Len, she liked to read, take walks along the beach and go swimming.

She’d started looking after her health more, probably the influence of seeing her mom’s health decline and sitting in on numerous hospital appointments where the specialist talked about the importance of proper nutrition, regular exercise and a better work-life balance to reduce stress.

She was in a pretty good place.

She didn’t have many friends, she was still pretty much a loner, but she’d kept some connections from before, John Boswell, of course, but also YoYo and Lev and some others. Every once in a while, they’d played some game online, but they were all busy with their own lives, YoYo had four kids and was kept very busy between them and running courses for website design.

She was still touch with Donna and sometimes Cam did some work for her, which meant she could write off her flight to SF and mix business with pleasure for a change.

She knew her absence and the ‘rift’ with Joe, upset the ‘girls’, now more accurately young women, as they considered both her and her ex part of the family ever since Gordon had passed.

She’d told them that she just needed more time that was all.

A lot more.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Date: March 25th 1998

To: c.howe@pheonixsystems.com

From: sassychicky77@yahoo.com

Subject: Re: YoYoYo Queen Big Dick!!! Top secret!

Hey QBD!

OK, so everything is set for Saturday. I’ll pick you up at the airport and I won’t be late this time!

She still knows nothing! Mom is playing a long and we’ve agreed to have a quiet girl’s night in - hehehehe!

OMG I’m SOOOOOOOOOO excited! I can’t wait to see her face.

OK don’t freak - BUT - Joe is coming too. He changed his mind taking some leave or whatever.

I’m sorry, but PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don’t make this into a drama.

You are a proper grown up hardcore frickin’ ROCK STAR. You are strong and you can do this.

I believe in you.

IT IS TIME – OK?!!

It’s ONE night and I know you can do it for HALEY!!!!

You know it’d really mean the world to us to have you two there - OK????

So don’t be a DICK!

I’m SO looking forward to seeing you in a few days!

I love you :)

PBD xxxx

P.S. He’s single!!!! ;)

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_Fucking Joanie!_

Cam felt sick to her stomach.

Joanie knew how to make her feel guilty all right.

But why tell her he was single? What was that all about? She knew how Cam still felt about him, it was literally like having her fingernails pulled out.

She wondered when Joe had told her, way before now, she bet. He was always so damn organised.

Joanie must’ve lied to her all along.

She exhaled.

Fucking hell!

She hadn’t actually spoken to him since the morning they broke up, three and a half years ago now, in October 1994.

They’d emailed, always on birthdays, Christmas, holidays and every couple of months.

It’d been fine for the first year anyway.

Well, as fine as it could be.

She’d been pissed that he’d left San Jose without telling her, way back when.

It annoyed her even more when he politely pointed out that she was supposed to have been travelling in Europe at the time.

How was he to know that she’d pulled the plug and left early?

But he did apologise for not emailing at least, saying that Gordon’s death, Comet ending, and their break-up had all been too much for him. He said he just needed some time, but he did want her in his life.

She understood the time comment, it’d been pretty much the same for her. The road trip had helped a lot. She needed to get away from everything and clear her head.

It’d actually been really good to reconnect with her mom too.

Ironically, losing Gordon, and having Joanie and Haley in her life made her realise the importance of family and she made an effort in spite of everything that had happened before.

Like she’d told Joanie, she was hard to navigate. It was the source of their private joke now. Cam being ‘Queen Big Dick’ and she christened Joanie, ‘Princess Big Dick.’

Not everything had been her mom’s fault, being only nine, Cam didn’t understand how hard her dad’s death had hit her.

It was different seeing it through her more grown up eyes. She decided to let go of grudges long passed.

Joanie was right, she was a grown up now, so no more excuses … God!

still found it hard to believe she was fucking 36 and going to be 37 this year.

Four years older than her mom had been when her father died.

She couldn't imagine being so young, being a widow and raising a young daughter.

It was just insane, where did the time go?

Like most things, Joe included, she had to take responsibility for her part in stuffing things up.

She blamed her mom for a lot but had never considered how difficult it'd been for her mom, and how her dad's death would've affected her.

She knew, she'd have unraveled in the same situation.

Not everything had been her mom’s fault, being only nine, Cam didn’t understand how hard her dad’s death had hit her.

It was different seeing it through her more grown-up eyes.

She decided to let go of grudges long passed.

She thought about the coming party again, and Joanie … and _him_.

Fuck.

She regretted telling Joanie so much about her and Joe.

Joanie had just been so damn easy to talk to when she’d visited Cam.

Joanie had come over to Florida to talk about her own recent break-up.

It'd been a fun night, but there had been too much alcohol flowing and Cam's usual reserve where he was concerned seemed to disappear.

Cam’d just been trying to give the younger woman perspective using her break ups.

Well, that was how it’d started.

It wasn’t as if Cam spoke about him much any more.

Rather she'd buried everything, including her feelings, in an effort to move on.

She hadn’t wanted to talk about him with her mom either, God knows she had enough on her plate, but her mom’d wanted to know her life when she'd first moved there.

It hadn’t been helpful at all, quite the opposite in fact.

All her mom saw was how handsome he was in the photos Cam showed her.

Her mom had asked if he treated her well and did he love her? To which, Cam could only answer ‘yes’.

Her mom’d then asked her if she loved him, and she couldn’t say she didn’t.

So what did that mean? Her mom didn’t understand what her problem was.

Neither did she, when it was put in those simple terms.

She tried to explain that they were just bad for each other.

But when she'd thought about it, when they had been together, it had been good.

It was the endings that had been too much for her to bear.

Cam decided not to talk to her mom about her love life, or rather her lack of one, any more.

Donna was too busy, not that Cam wanted to bother her about him anyway.

Donna and Joe had a better relationship now too. They weren't in direction competition and he'd proven that he genuinely cared about Haley and Joanie. Donna had also realised that there was a different way to be in business and was thriving.

But even _she_ couldn't solve Cam's problem with him.

Cam had talked to her a lot about him over the years and she knew it’d test their friendship rehashing it all again.

She knew the advice, be with him or don’t and move on, she'd shove one of Cam's favourite phrases back in her face; it wasn't rocket science.

But where he was concerned, it might as well have been, and Cam was stuck in a sort of limbo.

 _Fucking_ Joe.

Donna would just tell her to go talk to him and get everything all out in the open.

That was the last thing Cam wanted to do.

She couldn’t get him out of her system if she was around him. He was like a drug and she needed to go cold turkey.

He was ancient history now anyway. They’d tried dating again, as older and wiser people and it’d still failed.

It just wasn’t meant to be.

She was facing facts, for once.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
> Cam & Joe timeline and important dates as far as research has turned up, I found a great image that someone had made of action from all 4 seasons [wow!] I’m forever grateful to them!  
> 1983 June – Nov Joe and Cam 1st time  
> 1993 Oct 13-14 Joe and Cam get back together  
> 1994 March 28 Haley’s 15th birthday  
> 1994 early April Joanie’s 17th birthday (I'm making it the 9th)  
> 1994 April 14 Gordon dies (Oct 1993 – 40th birthday)  
> 1994 Oct 12 Joe and Cam break up  
> 1994 mid-November 1994 Joe left apartment in  
> 1995 Oct – Joe teaching (I’d assumed in the show it was the same year, but apparently not, so like me (!) he went and did a year-long teacher training course)  
> ‘Fate’ timeline/action  
> 1996 SF Pride June - Joanie aged 19 / Haley 17 / Cam 35 / Joe 48  
> 1998 March 28 – Haley’s 19th birthday  
> \-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
> Characters birthdays – from the timeline - Haley’s - when they let rockets off in S4, Joanie’s seems to be a continuity error from S1 Cabbage patch doll/hurricane (Aug) but April in S2 (fight with Diane’s daughter).  
> Cam – couldn’t find any info, but it suits my story to make it in July.  
> Joe – found one thread about him born in 1947, no specific date, he told the girls he was 35 in Aug 1983, which works if his birthday is after then.  
> Ages at various time (my notes) 1983 - Season 1 (when they all met), 1993 - Season 4 (2nd Jameron relationship), 1998 - Fate events  
> Cam b. earlish Jul 1961 - June 1983 = 22 - 1993 = 32 - 28 Mar 1998 = 36 (next birthday 37 in July 98)  
> Joe b. Nov 1947 - June 1983 = 35 - 1993 = 45 - 28 Mar 1998 = 50 (next birthday 51 in Nov 98)  
> Joanie b. 9 Apr 1977 - June 1983 = 6 - 1993 = 16 - 28 Mar 1998 = 20 (next birthday 21 in April 98)  
> Haley b 28 Mar 1979 -June 1983 = 4 - 1993 = 14 - 28 Mar 1998 = 18 > 19  
> 


	2. Cam (SF Pride 1996)

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ch. 2

She’d always been travelling or working and had managed to avoid get-togethers at the Clarks when Joe was there.

But the point being that she hadn’t avoided him on purpose initially.

It helped that the first year, he was studying, to be a teacher of all things, and then he was immersed in his first year as a graduate teacher for the second.

According to Haley, it meant a lot of pressure and some more projects or tests that he had to pass. She didn't really know what it entailed, just that he always seemed to be busy.

He started every email from that time to her with an apology, and they were always brief and sent at weird times.

With his job as a lecturer, he was busy most of the year and it was only vacations and holidays that were problematic for her, when he traveled a lot.

She’d seen him once as she’d confided to Joanie, but she suspected that Joanie wouldn’t have kept it to herself and that Donna and Haley also knew. She hoped none of them had told him.

He hadn’t seen her that day, but it had affected her deeply.

She realised that she’d been totally lying to herself that she was over him.

When would she finally be over him? She wondered.

Haley'd practically begged Cam to go to SF Pride at the end of June 1994. It was something she wanted to do every year.

That was her first time going after she'd come out. She wanted all her 'family' there.

Joe had gone with her, coming back from Armonk to support her, along with Donna and Joanie of course.

Cam would've gone, but unfortunately there'd been an important project meeting, followed by a showcasing of ideas and then a team building outing. All organised for the same weekend.

So yet again she found herself making her excuses.

She'd made arrangements to go in 1995, but there been a work emergency this time and she’d had to cancel abruptly two days before.

In 1996, Haley, ever the optimist, had emailed her with the time and place to meet and left it at that.

On the spur of the moment, Cam decided to surprise her and turn up.

She knew there was a real risk that Joe would be there too, but things had calmed down and their emails were amicable. She was sure it’d be fine.

She’d even been dating again. Although it’d only lasted a few months, and she’d decided to call it quits at the end of May. The guy’d been sweet, but she’d been adamant that he’d reminded her too much of her ex-husband.

If asked, she absolutely wasn’t looking for someone to measure up to Joe, which was an impossible task.

The memory of that day still cut deep, she’d gone early and sat in Starbucks waiting for them.

She was excited and had made an effort, she was going to totally surprise Haley and Joanie. She looked the part too, dressed in Pride colours and she’d sprayed her then shoulder-length re-dyed blonde hair a rainbow of colours. She’d teased it to death, and she looked like she’d arrived straight from the ‘80s. Her sunglasses were tucked in there too. They totally would not recognise her!

The coffee shop was busy, near the start of the march. There were colorful, curiously dressed people sharing loud and happy banter all around. She’d been lucky to find a free stool on a shared table.

She’d got halfway down her cafe latte when she’d spotted Haley and Joanie queuing up. She’d wanted to go over, but there was a long queue and it wasn’t as though they were going anywhere for a while. She might as well sit tight until they got their drinks.

Cam noticed another girl stood next to Haley and by the looks that were being exchanged, she guessed she was the new love interest, Ellie, that Haley’d told her about.

She was thinking how cute they looked together when she heard his distinct laugh.

She felt her stomach flip over.

It was crazy that she hadn’t seen him before as he was literally head and shoulders above everyone else. He’d been right behind Joanie, and he was now laughing at something behind him. She’d just thought he was one of the crowd.

Damn he looked good.

His beard was back, and his hair was longer again, curling up from under a Pride trilby hat. He had on rainbow-framed sunglasses and a rainbow tee-shirt too.

She blew through her mouth forcefully, OK, she could do this. It’d be good to spend some time together again. They could just be friends again; surely enough time had passed by now.

Suddenly, she watched him turn and his hand came up and, as Joanie moved, she saw his hand go to guy’s cheek next to him, and then she saw there was an arm around Joe’s back too.

They kissed.

It _wasn’t_ a friend kiss.

It was passionate.

She knew those kisses.

She was instantly jealous.

She stopped breathing and her hand flew to her mouth.

Even from across the crowded café, she heard Joanie yell, ‘Oh! Get a _room!_ ’ and laugh loudly.

There’d been a cheers and claps from others in the café who’d seen it.

Joe and the guy broke and were laughing too. They had broad smiles and stayed in close contact.

She gasped involuntarily as her body demanded oxygen. She had to blink several times to clear her eyes and tears rolled freely down her cheeks.

_Fuck!_

‘Hey, honey, are you _OK?_ ’ one of the guys next to her was suddenly up in her face, ‘What’s wrong?’

She tore her eyes away from Joe and his … boyfriend? _Lover?_

Oh God, she was going to be sick.

‘Honey? _Honey?_ Talk to me.’ the guy urged, he was dressed head to foot in a skin-tight sparkly magenta body suit and a flume of pink feathers.

Later, she would tell him how fantastic it looked against his black skin and body builder’s toned body. But she couldn’t think of that right now.

Cam breathed and focused, glad of his bulk so she couldn’t see Joe and ... _Jesus Christ_ , she couldn't bear thinking about _what_ the guy was to _Joe_.

‘I’ve just seen my ex with someone else.’ she spoke in a monotone, as though talking to herself.

Then she looked down and tried to focus on breathing.

The guy took her in his arms, and she was glad of the contact despite later finding that she was covered in a ton of body glitter that she'd keep finding for several days after. ‘Fuck, fuck, fuck.’ she said into his chest.

‘Oh my God _girl!_ Get it together!’ he quickly realised that wasn’t going to be possible and shook her, ‘OK, listen. Have they seen you?’

She shook her head.

‘OK, OK, good! You absolutely cannot be seen like this. You won’t get her back by being all Little Miss Cry Baby. It’s pathetic.’

Cam decided not to correct his assumption. But he was right, she was pathetic.

The first guy, who later she’d found out was called Mack, short for Mackenzie, hissed at the guy next to him, ‘Darryl! Darryl? We have an emergency!’

‘What’s up?’ Darryl, a slim Asian-looking guy in a risqué short rainbow tee-shirt, even shorter black hot pants, with red suspenders underneath, was immediately on high alert.

‘OK we’re going to leave now and we’re going to get you out of here, OK, Miss Rainbow Bright?’

That pulled her up sharp.

Her addled brain went back to another time, a gallery, then crying in a taxi watching another man kiss him ... wait, did this guy know _Joe?_ ... _Simon?_

No, no, not possible, it was just a coincidence. Pull it together ...

‘Where are they?’ Mack grabbed her sunglasses and shoved them over her eyes, covering some of the tear-streaks.

Cam came back to the present and peeked back at the queue, the group had moved nearer the counter and were busy looking at the food options. She saw that Joe and the shorter bleached-blond guy were holding hands.

He looked so happy.

‘Oh God,’ she gasped again, and then, ‘At the counter.’

‘OK, so we’re all clear?’

She nodded.

Mack pushed her in front of him, they ushered her out and across the street, pushing through the multitude of costumed people.

She turned to thank the pair and saw that Mack had taken a bottle of JD out of Darryl’s shoulder bag, ‘Here, have some of this. You look awful! What’s your name?’

‘Thanks.’ she took a large swig, and it helped, ‘Cameron, just Cam.’

She was going to leave, but Mack and Darryl convinced her to stay reasoning that why should her ex get to have all the fun of Pride?

She’d actually had a blast, hanging out with them and their friends for the rest of the day. They were a lot of fun and everyone was so nice.

She’d been worried about seeing him again on the march, but she hadn’t. There were so many people around and eventually she’d mostly forgotten about Joe … mostly.

She’d ended up going with them to a bar and then onto a club. She sat telling Mack and Darryl her sad story. Mack’d made the astute observation that she’d been the one to throw love away and now it was biting her on the ass.

He judged by her reaction earlier that she was not over Joe, and if she really wanted this ‘Jo’ back, she had to go after ‘her’.

He said that fate favoured the brave.

Cam knew that the actual quote was ‘fortune favours the brave, or the bold’; but it didn’t matter as she wasn’t brave or bold and neither fate nor fortune would favour her.

Mack’d continued and said that she had to risk everything for love, risk being hurt. There would be tough times, but that was love, it was a roller-coaster.

He’d the nail on the head.

That was her and Joe all right.

Goddamn it.

He told her about him and Darryl, whose parents had basically disowned him twice. First, when he’d come out and after accepting that, doing it again, apparently permanently this time, when he’d gone out with a black guy.

They had their ups and downs, but they’d been happy for the last three years now. Mack’d had to pursue Darryl for six months, nothing like hers and Joe’s decade plus.

Oh God, was she going to be miserable _forever?_

Maybe he had moved on, but what choice had she given him?

So, even from these random, kind strangers the message was: talk to Joe.

She knew it in her heart too, but she kept re-running the scene in her head and they’d looked so good together.

Joe deserved to be happy after everything he’d been through.

What right did she have to change that?

She’d only make him miserable.

So, she ignored their advice and put her head back in the sand.

She decided to have a fresh start and that meant cutting him out altogether.

It would be better for him too, that’s what Gordon had tried to tell her before as well.

She focused on work and her life in Florida instead.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


	3. Joe

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ch. 3

Joe stopped trying to contact Cameron after she didn’t reply to his usual Christmas message in 1996.

He’d sent one for her birthday in July, but there had been no answer.

He’d just thought she’d been busy and had re-sent it.

Then after checking with Haley that she was OK, he tried a third time.

It’d pissed him off, when she didn’t send him a message on his birthday in November or Thanksgiving.

After a time, his anger turned to sadness.

It’d become a bit of a tradition; it was the only thing he had of her now.

She knew he wanted her, in some form, in his life. She'd told him the same, and he didn't understand what'd changed.

He’d hoped that eventually the hurt they both felt from breaking up again would fade and there’d be friendship this time.

The emails had been as a start, and he’d held out a hope of seeing her again, one day.

Then he found out through Haley that she didn’t want to see him at all and that’d cut him deeply.

He sent her a brief message for the New Year (1997) but again it was met with silence.

He didn’t send one for her birthday in July of that year.

She’d made her feelings clear and he had to respect that.

He had to just stop, for his own sake.

Not that it’d stopped him hoping to receive something from her for his 50th in November 1997, but again he was disappointed.

He’d spent a nice weekend with Haley. Then they'd gone out to dinner with Donna and Joanie as he didn’t want a big fuss.

With over a year and a half of teaching under his belt, after completing his teaching course in 1995, he was feeling a lot more comfortable. It was easy for him to just immerse himself in it.

He enjoyed helping this current crop of students and felt the satisfaction of seeing last year’s develop in confidence.

He felt like he’d finally found something that suited him. He always had had a way with words and as Gordon had said, he pushed people. The failures weren’t as personally catastrophic. He worked with his students to avoid it, but as he reminded them, failure was as much a part of success.

He’d had a couple relationships, both with men, but he still looked for the same qualities that she had. For someone he could be authentic with.

He didn’t know if they grew bored of him, or him of them, but neither had lasted more than a few months.

He retreated into himself more.

Mostly, he just focused on work, his students and his ‘adopted’ family in Cali.

He tried to stay in contact and meet up with Gordon’s girls as often as possible.

He and Haley had always been close, particularly after working together at Comet.

Then even more so when he’d finally told her he was bisexual. It'd helped in giving her the confidence to come out too.

She was doing great and was in college doing an advanced tech course.

Joanie had always been a bit trickier. She got on better with Cam. He usually heard about her antics through Haley, she never contacted him directly.

He always tried to talk to her when they were together, but she would usually just rib him about trying too hard to be cool.

That all changed late August last year, when out of the blue, she emailed him to ask him a whole bunch of questions about love.

She’d started quite breezy with a lot of sarcasm; she’d used the pretext that she was researching a project.

There wasn’t anything obviously about Cam, but with some the specifics she’d cited, he could tell Joanie had spoken to her as well.

He’d been desperate to ask her more about how Cam was, and the real reason she’d made contact. But according to Haley, she’d just gone through a tough break up and thought her sister was looking for some answers or some solace.

He figured that she just wanted some insight to the male point of view, and it’d had warmed his heart that she’d asked him.

He tried to answer her questions as best he could.

He cautioned her that a lot of guys, especially young ones were indeed just after one thing. But they also wanted to be loved too. Although, showing that was so much easier for women.

Some of her questions had stunned him, he didn’t know she was a romantic or such a deep thinker. He realised he didn’t know her very well at all.

One question had been, did love ever die?

It’d had taken him ages to reply, as he wanted to do a good job for her. He apologised and told her that he’d been busy with school, it hadn't been a lie.

But the truth was that there was a Cam-shaped hole in his heart.

It’d been there so long that it had become part of him, like the scars on his torso.

He had a Gordon-shaped hole too, but it was different.

Gordon was dead.

She just didn’t want to be around him.

It cut him to his core.

He’d told her that love had many forms, the love for a parent, or a child, a friend or a lover. Sometimes love burned with an intensity, a red-hot passion and you were consumed by your need to quench it in the other person. Sometimes it changed into friendship or just faded away, and sometimes it hurt so much that you wanted to cut out your own heart.

But over the years, it had been love that had shaped him into a better person.

He ended by quoting Tennyson ‘Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.’

It’d opened a flood gate and she was writing to him every week, sometimes more.

He revelled in the softer side of her.

She’d shared some quite personal information about her relationship and her feelings.

He’d been astounded by her frankness. He’d been thrilled that she trusted him and valued his opinion.

Maybe it was because she’d lost her father so young, but he seriously doubted she would ever have asked Gordon the questions she was asking him.

She’d started by asking quite innocent ones about the best way to break-up with someone and then had got bolder.

He’d said there wasn’t a definitive way, but he advised it was always best to be honest with the other person and treat them with kindness. He shared the example of him and Matt, who’d she’d met at Pride the other year. It’d been fun for a while, but ultimately, they’d just been too different and had drifted away from each other.

Then she asked about how he and Cam had broken up and why.

He guessed she’d meant the second time, the one that she’d known about and not the first time, which had been messy and brutal.

Although, it’d still hurt as just as much the second time round, despite it being more civilised.

There hadn’t been any fights, name-calling or cutting remarks this time. They’d made love even.

But three years or so later, it still hurt him to think about it. He blamed himself, for being too upset that Gordon and Comet had both died. He’d been too hard on her, when she was struggling to cope as well.

It’d taken him half a bottle of wine to answer her. The next day, when he re-read the message he’d finally sent, he’d been embarrassed at having revealed more about his feelings than he’d intended too.

Maybe it still cut him because he’d lost not only a lover, but a close friend and he didn't have many of those in his life. He both loved and admired Cam. He wanted to know her in his life, but what could he do? He couldn’t force her to talk to him or to see him.

It seemed she was cutting him out of her life for good.

He didn’t understand why.

He’d refused to answer some of Joanies’ questions that had made him uncomfortable. He reminded her that he’d known her since she was six and under _no_ circumstances was he going to talk about sex with her. She could use the Internet like everyone else.

He debated with himself numerous times to ask how Cam was. It was a simple question, but he knew she’d see right through it.

Anyway, she was studying too, and according to Donna, she was doing OK, but she didn’t find it as easy as her younger sibling. He decided not to burden her with his stuff.

In February, Joanie had told him about the surprise party for Haley’s 19th, the date in March wasn’t great but it was a weekend and he’d have to take some marking with him. There was a quick turnaround for grading, and it ate into his personal time, but it was only a few times a year. Besides, it went with the territory.

He would do it for Haley, so he booked his flight straight away.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


	4. Joanie gets Joe

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ch. 4

Joanie’d arranged to pick up Joe and Cam from the airport on Saturday morning. It’d mean two separate trips, but that was perfect for her plan. 

She told each of them that they could stay in Donna’s cavernous house in one of the two guest rooms.

Haley was out at her part-time job at a tech store, where she worked all day until 5 p.m. on Saturdays, so it gave them plenty of time to get everything ready. 

It suited Joe, he just wanted somewhere quiet to finish his grading, then he could relax and enjoy the party.

He’d done as much as he could in the week and had just under one class to finish. It took him between 10-15 minutes per paper. He had been disciplined and graded seven more between boarding and when he’d landed at SF.

Joanie picked him up from the airport just after his flight landed at 9 a.m. as they’d arranged by multiple chatty emails.

He was looking forward to talking to her in person but was surprised when he found that she’d reverted back to type.

She apologised and said that she was just tired. She’d been out with friends and it’d turned into a late one. She was going back to bed for a few hours when they got home.

He smiled ruefully, knowing how some of his students came into class.

He wasn’t surprised Donna was at the office, apparently, she was busy with a new start-up. Joanie said she’d be back sometime mid-afternoon. Donna was going to help Joanie with the party, being such an expert at them.

There weren’t going to be many people there, Bos and Diane and a few other select friends that Joanie knew Haley would be happy to see. She made no mention of Cam, so he guessed that another year would slip by without hearing from her. 

He used the car journey to start reading another paper instead.

At the house, Joanie showed him to the larger of the two guest rooms, and he was impressed at her thoughtfulness. There was a vanity dresser facing over the rear yard and sunlight was streaming in. It would do perfectly as a desk. 

She told him to carry on with his marking, and she went back downstairs and sweetly brought him up a cup of coffee and a cinnamon roll.

Before she left, she surprised him even more by giving him a big bear hug from behind and planting a kiss on his cheek. 

Since she’d become a teenager, she’d never been very affectionate with him and it warmed his heart.

‘It’s so nice to see you, Joe.’

He was caught off guard and could only pat her arms awkwardly in front of him. 

But it made him very happy.

Maybe their email contact had thawed her to him. 

He looked forward to a better relationship with her.

‘You too.’

‘OK, I’m going to get a few hours’ sleep. Have fun grading, Mr Teacher!’ she teased.

She said he’d could help himself to whatever he found in the fridge if he got hungry and she wasn’t around later.

He asked when she needed him to help with the party set up, but she said that it was all in hand and it would be later on in the afternoon anyway. 

She left him and he enjoyed the peace and the sunshine.

About twenty minutes later, he heard the phone ring. He opened the door and was going to answer it so it didn't wake Joanie. Then she burst out of her room, with a face like thunder and ran downstairs. There was some muffled talking and then Joanie said loudly, ‘... OK, fine, I’ll be there soon.’

‘Is everything OK?’ he called down.

‘NO! I’ve got to go pick Haley up. Goddamn it!’ she exhaled loudly.

‘Is she OK?’ he was immediately concerned.

‘Yeah, she’s got a migraine. Fuck! ... Oops, sorry! Today of all days … OK, OK … Listen, Joe, just stay in the room, close the door and be quiet. I’ll figure something out. DO not come OUT! OK?’ she was pissed.

‘Yes, ma’am,’ he had nine more papers to grade anyway.

He heard the door slam and the car start.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How did Joanie make the phone ring? 
> 
> She took the phone (the extension) from Donna's room into hers, dialled the ringback service, and the house phone rang. She made up the conversation with Haley.
> 
> Ringback - I remember my brother pranking me many times with this in the '80s, I can't remember the number but he'd use the extension in our parents' room and I'd pick up downstairs ... seems pretty lame now, but hey, there was no internet, smart phones, etc ... the things we did to amuse ourselves... It was a different world, kids of today!


	5. Joanie gets Cam

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ch 5

Joanie couldn’t believe how well everything was going. She felt a twinge of regret deceiving everyone, but she had to think about the greater good.

She’d been planning this for months, not only would Haley have a party but both of her favorite people were going to be there too, hopefully back together or at the very least, talking.

She hadn’t told Joe about Cam, but she knew after all the emails that he was desperate to see her again. She wasn’t worried about him, he’d be fine.

This next bit was the hardest. 

Maybe it’d been a mistake to have told Cam that he would be there. But Joanie had gambled that by telling her so late in the day that she’d still come and also have a chance to get her head round it.

She’d thought about it long and hard, and reasoned that she’d want to know. It’d be much worse if she didn’t. Cam’s anger, like her own was legendary.

She’d tried not to tell any lies, but a few white ones were needed for the subterfuge.

Cam's face moved into a frown the instant she saw Joanie at the airport. Joanie knew she’d have to fight fire with fire.

Joanie headed her off and was almost shouting, ‘Yes, yes, I am the Queen Big Dick now. What can I do? He loves Haley as much you do! You know you’re being asshole about this. Dad would be so pissed at you right now.’

Cam opened and closed her mouth, not used to being spoken to like that by Joanie or anyone really, and for her to use Gordon against her.

Joanie softened, ‘Look, he’s not going to be here ‘til later, you get the nice guest room you always have, and he gets the shitty one with the lumpy bed, that’ll hurt his back. You can hide in yours, it’s lockable and I’ll give you a case of beer to get your courage up or whatever. OK?’

Cam shrugged her shoulders in defeat, tears already showing in her eyes.

‘Oh Jesus, Cam,’ and Joanie pulled her into her embrace, ‘It’s just Joe, he’s not scary. He misses you too.’ 

She felt Cam stiffen, and she pulled herself back to look at Joanie, ‘W-What?’

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! She cursed her big mouth! This had been so much easier with Joe.

Joanie looked at her and exhaled, ‘OK, I emailed him last year, after you … you know … we talked.’ she grabbed Cam’s hands, ‘Look, I didn’t say much, it’s your business, but I care about you, Cam.’ Joanie wasn’t good at stopping once she’d got started, and her real feelings came tumbling out, ‘Jesus, you know it physically hurts me to see you like this. You’ve always been like this … this … fucking rock star, and yet, these last few years, honestly you’ve just faded.’

‘Wow. Faded. Thanks, Joanie,’ was all Cam could say, her voice icy.

Joanie sighed and threw up her hands, ‘Are you getting in the car or not?’

Cam got in and left her bags for Joanie to put away.

Joanie turned, smiling broadly as she put the luggage in the trunk.

The drive was quiet, and it suited her.

This was the tough bit now, OK keep it together, almost there … 

The main guest room overlooked the back yard, so getting into the house without Joe seeing was easy.

Joanie just needed Cam to go up the stairs first and not alert him.

It was just before 11.30 a.m. when she pulled into the driveway. She pointed to the closed curtains of Donna’s room and said, ‘Listen, mom’s got a headache, she took some pain meds and went to have a lie down for a few hours. So, I’ll help you with your bags, but can we just go in and be real quiet and save the fight ‘til later? Please? You know I frickin’ love you Queen BD?’

‘OK, OK,’ Cam relented, and Joanie leaned across and hugged her, then Cam mumbled into her mass of blonde curls, ‘Look, I know you’re right … I should just talk to him … but …’

Joanie didn’t let her finish, ‘YES! Exactly! OK, let’s go, loser!’ and Joanie smiled her biggest brightest smile.

Cam rolled her eyes and smiled back, ‘You’re such a dick!’

‘I’m a big dick if you don’t mind!’

They went into the house, and Joanie made a point of taking her shoes off and putting her cars keys down quietly and giving Cam the ‘sh’ finger. She pointed upstairs and made Cam go up the stairs first. But she was quickly behind her and they crept up together. 

Cam was nearly laughing at the top, finding it all hilarious. 

Cam opened the door and with lightning speed, Joanie pushed her forcefully in, throwing her suitcase in behind her. Then she slammed and locked it.

She let out a triumphant ‘Yes!’ and then listened intently at the door.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


	6. Trapped

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ch. 6

‘Hey! Joanie, what the …’ Cam shouted as her hands went out in front of her to the bed, but she stopped short when she saw Joe, who’d turned in surprise at the sound of the door and was staring at her.

‘Fuck.’ she couldn’t stop the curse from coming out.

‘Jesus! … Cam?’ he just about managed to say, his mouth in a perfect ‘O’.

The door locked.

Cam shot up and tried it, ‘Joanie, what the fuck are you playing at?’ she was mad as hell now.

Through the door, Joanie shouted, ‘OK, look I’m sorry for this … Well, actually I’m not ... You two have to sort this bullshit out! … You’re staying in there until you’ve either kissed and made up or one of you is standing over the bloody corpse of the other! Capisce?’

Joe got up now to try the door. Cam moved away as though repelled by his presence and wrapped her arms defensively around herself.

He stared at her again, not understanding what he'd done. Then he tried to reason with Joanie, ‘Hey Joanie? Look, just open the door. This really isn’t necessary. You’re right, we do need to talk, and we will, OK? Can you please just open the door?’ 

They listened to the key rattle in the lock. 

He looked and smiled in triumph at Cam, who was staring wildly at him.

But Joanie was just teasing them, and she removed the key.

‘Good try, Teacher Joe, but consider yourself in detention. Ha, I just thought of that. Love it!’ 

His face dropped; it would have been comical in different circumstances.

‘JOANIE!’ Cam shouted again, her face like thunder and she made a bee-line to door. 

Joe quickly moved back this time, seeing how angry she was and not wanting any of it directed at him.

He just stared at her. 

Her hair was long again and still her natural colour, and she still had that same incendiary temper. He thought she hadn’t changed much since they broke up, 

‘OPEN THIS GOD-DAMN DOOR, JOANIE!’ Cam banged fiercely on the door in frustration, ‘YOU ARE DEAD!!’ 

‘Well, that’s not an incentive! No way, nope! And don’t break the door, Queenie, mom’ll be really pissed. Now go look under the bed and start talking!’ Joanie’s voice sounded further off and Cam peered out of the keyhole, she didn’t see anything but heard Joanie’s bedroom door shut.

‘Fuck! Joanie! Joanie! JOANIE! Come back here!’ she let out a blood-curdling scream that made Joe jump and move even further away.

‘Donna?! DONNA?’ Cam yelled.

He went to look under the bed and said softy, ‘Donna’s at work, she’ll be back later.’

‘Oh! She told me she had a headache and was sleeping. But I guess that was a lie. WOW! So many LIES, JOANIE.’ 

‘She told me you were Haley with a migraine … Oh my God!’ Joe exclaimed as he put two coolers, a box and a large pink heart-shaped box on the bed, ‘She’s really thought about this.’

Cam scanned over what he was doing, opening everything up and pulling things out, and then she looked at him.

A little older with gold-rimmed glasses, his hair was grayer, shorter than last time she saw him, and his beard was neatly trimmed. 

But he still had it. 

Goddamm it.

She turned away from him, futilely trying the door again.

Joe looked at everything out on the bed, Joanie clearly intended them to be in there for a while.

In the coolers, there were two six-packs of beer and a selection of deli food, a can of orange soda and a coke.

In the box, there was a bag of chips, two indivually-wrapped heart-shaped cookies, a tube of candy, a bottle opener, two plates and two glasses.

She’d collaged the inside the lid of the pink box with lots of pictures of Cam and Joe, surrounded by love hearts and flowers. He had no idea where she’d got them all from.

There was a demi bottle of champagne and a mini box of six chocolate truffles, on each there was a heart-shaped label saying ‘drink me’ and ‘eat me’ respectively.

There were also two big envelopes, one read ‘To Joe, what Cam told me about you’ and a matching one for Cam, both had picture of them, arms around each other, laughing and happy inside a big red heart. Looking at it, he guessed it was from Comet’s Christmas party in '93. 

He left them both in the box.

He knelt on the floor just staring at everything, ‘Jesus.’ he said again softly.

He had to give her an A+ for effort.

Cam leaned her head against the door with her back to him. 

It looked like she was stuck here, and she had to get herself together.

‘Aren’t you mad at her?’ she asked him quietly, her voice sounding raw.

He was looking intently at all the pictures, and he said softly, ‘A little, but her heart’s in the right place.’

She snorted in disagreement.

They lapsed in silence.

Then he said, ‘Actually, I’m more mad at you.’

Cam heard the accusative tone in his voice. 

Here we go, she thought, tensing up. She decided anger was the only way to stop her tears.

‘What have I done?’ whirling round and throwing up her arms, ‘I didn’t lock the damn door!’

‘You know I wasn’t talking about the door!’ there was anger in his voice now, reacting to hers. 

He stood up, ‘But, what, you can’t even stand to be in the same room as me now?’

The edge in his voice pissed her off more, and she wouldn’t be intimidated by his height.

He wanted the truth, well fuck it, she’d give him the truth.

‘No, I can’t! OK?’ she turned back to the door, slamming on it with her fists, ‘JOANIE!! GODDAMN YOU! LET ME OUT OF HERE. I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR ME!’

He was stunned, he stood there watching her rant against the door and he couldn’t stop the tears coming into his eyes.

It felt like a knife in his heart.

The muffed sound of loud music started.

‘JOANIE!!’ she banged the door some more.

He sat on the bed, turning away from her and all the photos, and looked at the floor, his shoulders slumped.

She let out an anguished scream, which made Joe flinch and she banged again. She tried to shout to Joanie again, but this time her voice cracked as all of her emotions came up. 

She gasped for breath through large wracking sobs. 

She crumpled down to the floor, with her head bowed and steadied herself with one hand pressed against the door. 

He turned to look at her over his shoulder, in shock, ‘Jesus, Cam,’ he got up to go over to her, speaking softly, ‘Cameron, hey, what’s wrong?’

She put out her hand to stop him coming any closer.

He sat on down on the bed again. This time facing her and the door.

He’d never seen her this distraught and he had no idea why.

It broke his heart even more.

He wondered if he should open the envelope addressed to him and just read the contents. From the pictures and all of … this, Joanie clearly believed Cam cared for him, but that wasn’t the message he was getting from her now.

He suddenly was concerned that she might be having some kind of panic attack and he had no idea how to deal with it.

‘Cameron! Talk to me, please!’ he tried again and there was confusion and urgency in his voice.

Yes, talk to him. Oh, that was so easy. Didn’t he know, she had no idea what to say? And currently, it wasn’t as if she could actually say anything at all. She was struggling with a minor thing called breathing.

After a couple of minutes, he started to relax as her breathing slowly began to normalise.

He opened up two beers and put one down next to her on the carpet in her eye line.

He took a big swig of his, hoping it would help his nerves.

She took hers and did the same, she drank almost half the bottle in one go.

‘It’s nice to see you again.’ he ventured, ‘Well the back of you anyway.’ He tried to lighten the mood with some humor.

She snorted and exhaled, she put her free hand against her forehead, closed her eyes and did some deep breathing.

He was a loss about what to say to her, but he couldn't take his eyes off her. He took some quiet breaths too.

She got up, took her beer and went to the opposite side of the room. She sat down in the corner, hunched up as far into it as she could hugging her knees in close. She curled her head down on them, looking away from him. 

She wouldn’t look at him. She couldn’t yet.

Joe considered his options; he knew her well enough that if he pushed, she’d close down completely.

He grabbed the envelope addressed to her, tossed in her direction, and went back to the desk, ensuring he made a lot of noise so she'd know he was moving away from her.

He might as well try and get the last two papers graded.

He’d been sat down what seemed like a long time, but in reality, was only about five minutes when he heard the envelope tear and the sound of papers being removed. 

He read and re-read the first lines of the student’s submission six times before gently putting it down, accepting defeat.

Silence.

He waited, listening intently for any noise as she read.

Another few minutes went past slowly.

He unconsciously picked at his fingernails, and when he realised what he was doing, he stopped and reached for his beer, taking another long draft.

He was startled when he heard her stunned voice, ‘Jesus Christ … favorite sexual position, seriously?’

Fuck! She hadn’t meant to say it out loud, it’d just slipped out.

She’d downed the rest of the beer quickly, hoping to numb herself against the embarrassment.

‘You on top,’ he answered without thinking.

She was the one who’d told him to be authentic all those years ago after all.

He finished his beer swiftly too, his nerves showing. 

Silence.

‘Yours?’ it was worth a try, he thought.

No reply.

Oh well.

More paper noises.

Then another beer being opened.

He jumped when she put the envelope addressed to him on the desk, along with another beer and the opener. 

He didn’t move, fearing her reaction.

‘Me on top,’ she whispered quietly.

At her voice, he turned to look at her, but she was already retreating to her corner, her hand reaching for the long email conversation again.

His mind was reeling as he picked up the envelope. It was a lot lighter than hers had been.

He pulled out some lined paper, filled with writing he didn’t recognise and correctly guessed that it was Joanie’s.

It started, ‘Dear Joe, this is as much as I can remember from talking with Cam when I stayed with her at the end of summer vacation last year. It’s a bit hazy, there was a lot of drinking, it was all in the name of RESEARCH I swear! And believe me I SUFFERED for it! You better be grateful!! I meant to write it down sooner, but you get the idea… btw IT’S VERY GOOD NEWS XXXXXXX’

He shook his head at her bouncy writing littered with capital letters, underlining, crossings out, doodles and a multitude of exclamation marks. 

He would keep it forever.

It outlined a discussion they’d had as to why Cam didn’t want to be around him any more and how pissed off Joanie was about the whole thing. 

Initially, apparently it was only because Haley was really upset, not that Haley’d ever say anything to anyone about it. But he knew that Joanie would move heaven and earth to protect her little sister. 

It was plain in her writing how protective Joanie'd felt about him too. That was something of a shock and his heart warmed even more to Gordon’s more tempestuous daughter. 

It appeared that Joanie had been as relentless as a journalist pursuing a major lead. She’d done a lot of research, finding all out about all their various companies over the years, Cardiff, Mutiny, Westgroup and MacMillian Utility. 

It was amazing how much was out there on the Internet now. 

She’d even talked to Donna and Bos about them and found out things that’d happened over the years that wasn’t public knowledge.

She’d asked Cam about why they’d broken up, the first time and why they’d got back together again.

He was riveted by Cams’ answers.

How in hindsight, she knew that removing the OS from the Giant had been the right thing to do, she’d just been too young to understand it was business and not personal.

That she was really ashamed at what she’d said to him to finally stop him trying to get her back. Joanie broke her narrative to ask him what it was because Cam wouldn’t tell her. 

She just wrote that Cam’d said she’d been a ‘complete bitch’ by purposefully using things against him that he’d revealed only to her. Things Cam’d known would deeply wound him and she'd said she’d just thrown his love away. Joanie thought that Cam seemed sad and ashamed when she'd told her that.

Joe reeled with this new information.

So, it wasn't that she didn’t care about him as he dreaded; it seemed that the problem was she cared too much

It was a relevation.

He had a lump in his throat and had to wipe away his tears.

His mind went back to those steps, what if they could go back and do it all again as their older selves, how different it might have all been.

Jesus Christ. 

He made himself take a deep breath again.

He wanted to ask her; he had a lot of questions about what he was reading.

He heard her sob and turned around to look at her. She must’ve heard him move and felt his eyes on her, as without looking, she held up her palm again and shook her head.

He slowly turned around again, bowing his head. He was at a loss; he didn’t know how to bridge the gap to reach her.

He opened the second beer, took a swig and carried on reading.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


	7. Joanie

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ch 7

12.20 p.m.

Joanie'd turned her music down a little and opened her door, hoping they wouldn’t notice the difference in the noise level.

Feeling like some female James Bond, she crept to the guest room door and put her ear against it.

It’d been about thirty minutes now and there was silence in the room.

Had they escaped and were now playing an elaborate hoax on her?

She’d been expecting fireworks and high emotions, not this. 

Had they got that all of their systems already?

She thought that she still would’ve heard them through her music.

Was it all for nothing?

Then she heard Cam say something and she leaned in trying to be quiet and listen.

Joe answered, but annoyingly, she couldn’t make out what.

She strained to hear more, but it went quiet again. 

Fuck! 

She wished she’d had one of those security cameras installed and could see what was going on. Oh, to be a fly on the wall!

She decided to risk looking in the keyhole. It wasn’t as if they could do anything other than shout at her some more.

She saw Cam on the bed reading the printed emails. 

Far out!

OK, where was Joe? She tried to move but bumped against the door with a small thud.

It might have gone unnoticed but without thinking, she uttered, ‘Shit!’

Cam looked up and saw her, she narrowed her eyes in anger, ‘Hey! I see you! You don’t get to spy as well!’

Cam shot forward to the door, grabbing something out of Joanie’s vision and jammed it into the keyhole. She’d backed away instinctively as Cam’d moved forward, despite the door being locked. 

OK, well they were reading, that had to work, right?

She went back to her room to finish off another one of Haleys’ presents, humming as she went.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

12.55 p.m.

They were still reading, only the occasional comment passed between them.

But mainly, they were lost in their own thoughts, digesting the new information they were learning about each other.

Cam was trying to ignore his presence. 

Joe for his part was playing along and trying to make himself as small and quiet as possible as it was for a 6’ 5” man to be.

He knew it would easier for both of them.

They’d given up trying to stop the tears falling.

Joanie, thinking of everything had surreptitiously put two boxes of tissues in the room, one on the vanity desk and another on the opposite bedside table.

Before Joanie’d decided to check on them, Cam'd seen it and gone to take it. Then she thought better of it and decided to sit on the more comfortable bed. 

Used tissues now littered the bed and the floor around her like huge fallen blossoms. 

She wasn’t intentionally trying to be messy; the bin was next to Joe and she wasn’t going over there just to tidy.

She’d finished her second beer and was feeling a little light-headed. 

She put down the emails and opened first one cooler, then the other that had been left on the bed.

She knew Joe would be listening intently, even though he was sat at the desk with his back to her, pretending not to. 

‘She didn’t give us any water?’ her voice going up high, showing her nerves.

There was a pause before he answered, and Cam thought about asking again.

He shifted slightly, but he didn’t turn round, ‘There’s a tap in the bathroom.’ he said softly, even making his voice smaller for her.

‘Oh,' she felt stupid, but she'd never fully trusted it after an incident at her elementary school and a dead pigeon, 'It’s OK to drink, then?’

‘Uh-huh.’

The en-suite was on his side, so she scooted over the bed and picked up a glass, and then thinking of him, reached back for the other one.

She shut the door and sighed. She might as well pee now she was in here too.

She couldn’t believe Joanie had done all this. Despite herself, she was impressed.

God, she’d been relentless in her line of questioning. 

Cam cringed thinking about what Joe was reading, knowing it’d be from her visit last year. 

She really hoped Joanie had censored or better yet, left out their frank discussion about sex. She knew how private he was and that he’d be pissed.

He’d be worried about exactly what she’d revealed. He needn’t be overly concerned, there were some things that would always stay between them. But he'd feel awkward in front of Joanie.

She thought about the visit, it’d been great to see Joanie. It was just after Cam’s birthday and she’d enjoyed the company, as she’d been feeling lonely. 

It was nice that Joanie made the effort to come over to see her as Cam didn’t know when she’d be back in SF again.

Things with her mom were good, she was in remission and was feeling positive. But Cam missed Donna, Bos and the girls.

She missed Joe too, not that she'd ever admit it. 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It’d been a fun night, but way too much beer had been drunk.

Joanie had just split up with her boyfriend of nearly a year. She desperately needed to get out of SF. She’d been so different; the wind having been knocked out of her sails. She’d really loved this one apparently. 

The first heart break was the roughest, Cam knew from bitter experience. 

In an effort to draw her out of herself and comfort her, Cam’d told her about hers, with Joe. 

Cam’d reasoned she was practically a grown up now and besides, it was all ancient history now. 

She’d been delighted how Joanie reacted and started being more like her normal self.

Joanie hadn’t realised that Cam had known him so long and started asking a ton of questions when she’d found out that Cam’d just been 22 when it’d started, similar in age to Joanie. 

Cam’d relished how scandalised Joanie had been that he’d been thirteen years older than her, and the conversation inevitably took a detour into sex. 

Joanie had initially been coy when she asked for some advice. Cam had been flattered, and she’d ended up revealing a lot more intimate details then she’d meant to. Especially as her answers seemed to animate and shock Joanie. Then she’d got more brazen in her questioning.

Slowly but surely more details had come out, like what things she’d learned from being with him compared to others, and she put it down to his experience. She let slip that she was completely ruined as far as others were concerned because he was still the best lover she’d had. 

Joanie'd wanted to know why, she needed details. It’d been a lot of fun.

But Cam had sworn her to secrecy, none of this stuff was to ever get back to Joe or Donna.

It’d blown Joanie away to see Joe through Cam’s eyes.

The more they’d talked, the more it’d become apparent to both of them that Cam was not over him. 

Joanie then started asking why Cam was being so stubborn about not seeing him.

She couldn’t figure her out, it seemed to Joanie that Cam was standing in her own way.

She’d been the one to stop contacting him and yet she was bristling that he hadn’t emailed her for her birthday.

She couldn’t have it both ways.

Although Joanie understood how Cam felt. She knew that she’d be the same way, they were both dicks after all.

It was from that night coupled with what she knew about him, learned through conversations with Haley, Donna and Bos, that the idea of getting them talking again was born. If only so they could be in the same room for Haley's, and her own sake.

Joanie knew she had to talk to Joe as well. 

She remembered him from when they were kids in Dallas, of course. She and Haley had tried to zap every storm for several years afterwards after he’d showed them how.

Until her dad had finally run out of both batteries and patience one night. He'd angrily told them that Joe’d lied, like he lied to everyone.

But she’d only known part of the story. She’d liked him instantly from that 'hurricane night'. He was the tallest man she’d even seen, and he’d built her and Haley a fort right in the living room. But she’d only been six, what did she know? 

Joanie’d always liked to know what was going on, especially when her parents fought, which was a lot.

She used to sneak out of her room and listen at their door. Whereas Haley would stay under the covers of her bed and try to block it all out.

She’d overheard her parents talking, well shouting about Joe and that he’d stolen something of her dad’s. She knew how mad they both were, even if she didn’t understand everything.

She also knew that Cam, who Joanie had always thought of as a cooler older sister, hated him too. As her mom and dad would talk in hushed tones so Cam, who was living with them when they moved to California, couldn’t hear, which meant Joanie missed a lot of the actual details.

But, she realised everyone that she loved, hated him, so she did too. Not that she saw him again for years.

She didn’t understand back then how her dad could suddenly be friends with him, and he reappeared in their lives again. 

It was totally different with her and Jennifer, Diane’s daughter, they’d just been stupid kids when they fought, now they were firm friends. 

But Joe had stolen something and broken Cam’s heart, for her teenage self, there were some things that were just unforgivable. 

Then just like that, she was supposed to like him again?

She’d kept him at arm’s length and even when he and Cam got back together and Comet started, in case he really did turn out to be an asshole after all. 

Besides, she was getting into more interesting stuff of her own.

She knew he couldn’t be all bad as Haley liked him and that when he left SF after her dad died, they'd started writing to each other.

Joanie had been a little jealous, but she’d never had that kind of relationship with him.

Through talking with everyone, she learned about things that’d happened to him. Cam told her about his childhood, and she’d tried it to imagine falling off a roof, nearly dying and then being lied to by your father that your mother was dead.

She just couldn’t wrap her head around it. It sounded like something out of a bad movie, but Cam swore it was true. Joanie had never known about his scars. 

Through her mom, Bos and a lot of Internet surfing, she learned about various companies that he and her family had been involved in such as Cardiff, Mutant and Westgroup, and the suicide of Ryan Rey, from his apartment. 

Then fascinated, all the stuff that was out there about Joe MacMillan, as the owner of a multimillion company and how it’ll gone down in flames. He’d admitted taking it from her dad and had given it all back to him. Just like that. 

Wow. 

She’d read a lot of stuff she hadn’t known about Cam, and her mom and dad too.

She realised how she saw these people in her life was not the same as how they were to others out in the world. 

It was fascinating. 

Joe was not who she’d thought he was. She just wasn’t sure how to be with him knowing what she knew. 

But emailing with him was easier and a way in. 

She got to know the real him and realised that he still had feelings for Cam too, and her plan evolved into getting them back together, properly.

She didn’t know why she’d become so obsessed with it, it was like they were star-crossed lovers or something, but it totally consumed her.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


	8. Lunch Break

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ch 8

In the bathroom, Cam thought about the break-up of his marriage that she’d just been reading about. He’d told her he was glad it’d ended, which she knew. But she’d didn’t know why.

He'd said he’d known it’d been a mistake, but like her, he’d tried to move on and forget about her, losing himself in the arms of someone else. He’d wanted it to work.

He said he’d tried to change to be what he thought his wife’d wanted, but in the end neither of them had been happy.

Cam hadn’t known that Sara’d already left him once before ending it permanently after the Sonaris incident. 

He advised Joanie to always be true to herself and if someone didn’t love her warts and all, then they didn’t love her.

Afterwards, he’d said that while it’d been very hard at the time, with hindsight he realised Cam had actually saved him and his wife from potentially years’ worth of more misery until they'd eventually realised that their marriage had been a mistake from day one. 

Wow. 

She’d never thought of it like that.

She’d felt the same about her marriage and wished she’d pulled the plug sooner. It’d lasted seven years in the end, and probably only three maybe four had been good ones, all told.

But it’d been Sara, not Joe who’d ended it.

It’ll been the same with her, Tom ended it, and not her.

She and Joe were similar in many ways. Neither of them liked losing, be it in love or business.

The time she went to see him about Gordon at his apartment, he’d implied that like him, she’d hitched herself to the first person who made her feel good. That’d made her more determined to prove her marriage wasn’t a failure. 

She looked at herself in the mirror. She was a mess; the only advantage was that her redness around her eyes made them look even bluer, it was a shame the whites had turned pink. 

She rinsed her face, but it didn’t help.

She noticed that there were two sets of towels in the bathroom which Joanie had helpfully put another heart-shaped label with ‘His’ and ‘Hers’ on. 

She’d surrounded each with a selection of little red soaps in the shape of love hearts. 

Cam rolled her eyes ... Jesus Christ, Joanie.

Geez, it seemed Joe really did love her warts and all.

As she loved him, scars and all.

Could she take that leap again?

It wasn’t the being together part, that bit was actually fine. Good, even. Well, aside from the fights, but what couple didn't have them once in a while?

Rather it was the ending, the last two times had both taken their toll. Albeit in different ways. 

She didn’t know if she had it in her again.

Her heart felt like lead in her chest.

She came out and put a glass on the desk for him. 

‘Thank you.’ he looked at the water and her hand, but not at her.

‘You’re welcome.’

Both their voices sounded off, full of emotions that they were more used to keeping under wraps.

She could see the tracks of his tears and hesitated a bit longer than she meant to. 

He started to look up at her. 

So she bolted and went back to the safety of the other side of the bed.

They’d been in the room more than an hour now.

As riveting as the information was, it was emotionally draining as well. 

Especially as she knew he was reading her deepest, darkest secrets too. 

She knew there would be questions and was dreading them.

She needed a break.

She looked into the coolers and pulled out the deli bag. Joanie had got them a selection of club sandwiches. Well, they weren’t going to starve anyway.

She saw there were heart-shaped cookies and a tube of Sweethearts. 

Goddamn it Joanie, enough already, she thought.

She took a deep breath and looked at his back. She could tell he wasn't reading.

‘I don’t know about you, but I can’t do any more of this. I’m having a break. Are you hungry?’

His shoulders stiffened, ‘Does that mean I can get out of this chair? I can’t feel my legs or my ass any more.’

She sighed, ‘You can sit on that side of the bed, as long as you stay there.’

‘Gee, thanks,’ he said drolly, getting up and groaning as he stretched out his back and his shoulders.

He turned round and looked at her, but she was unwrapping the food. 

She was still avoiding him it seemed.

He pulled a pillow up and sat against it with one leg extended out and the other on the floor, ‘So what have we got?’ taking a sip of his water.

‘Hmm, chicken, cheese ... I think this is … salami or ham? One of each?’

‘OK.’

She put his plate in easy reach, and then turned again and picked a clean tissue out of the box near her, and put it next to his plate as a napkin.

‘Thank you.’ he said.

‘You're welcome.’

He remembered another time, when he'd made her an omelet and he'd had to prompt her to say thank you. It felt like it was from an old movie, it seemed so long ago. He couldn't believe it'd been the two of them.

Then she curled herself as far away from him as possible, next to the bedside table on her side.

He winced, but he made no comment apart from, ‘Where’s your other sock?’

She pointed at the door, it was jammed into the keyhole, ‘To stop the jailer spying.’

‘Ahh.’

They ate, picking at the food initially, as neither had much of an appetite it seemed, and they were very aware of the other.

They were both just glad to be doing something different.

But the more they ate, they realised how hungry they actually were.

Being in each other’s company was strange and familiar at the same time. They were quiet, neither wanting to disturb the apparent truce.

She reached forward and grabbed the collaged lid that was lying where he’d left it.

After peering at it for a while, she pointed at one and held it out to him, ‘Where was that from? I don’t remember it.’

He leaned over to look, frowning, ‘Errmm … Thanksgiving ’93? At Gordon’s, I think that’s right,’ Then he laughed, remembering, ‘Ahh, you were quite out of it, don't you remember that spiced punch? I ended up pretty much carrying you up those three flights of damn stairs to put you to bed …’

‘Oh!’

There was an embarrassed silence.

They carried on eating and out of the corner of her eye she saw Joe dust the sheet and scoop some crumbs into his hand, putting them neatly into the tissue.

She thought about another time in Dallas, when he’d made her breakfast in bed. He’d brought in his car vacuum to deal with the crumbs. She smiled to herself, but decided against saying anything, feeling sure he’d remember it anyway.

Later the same day, they’d had a big argument about the washing and she’d wanted to leave. 

The make-up sex had been memorable and not for the usual reason of being hot and heated. Although, she'd enjoyed that too.

He kicked off his shoes and moved over enough to bring his other leg up on the bed.

He grabbed the chips and opened them up, put a handful on his plate and then pushed the bag over to her.

She smiled; she’d been eyeing them up but had been expecting a snarky comment about junk food and had left them.

It wasn’t as if she ate so much garbage these days anyway. It was something that he and Tom had always commented on, but today would have to be an exception.

She took some and munched on them thoughtfully.

Impulsively she said, ‘So I really made you better?’ she sounded sceptical.

He paused before answering.

It seemed she had questions too. 

He didn’t think she’d wanted to talk. 

But he thought it was a good sign.

‘Yes.’ he answered softly. His emotions came up then and he looked down at the floor.

When he could speak again, he added almost imperceptibly, ‘I can be myself around you. I miss that.’ 

She inhaled, and her eyes filled with tears again. She looked to the other side of the room.

She couldn’t speak either, her throat had constricted. 

She knew what he meant, they knew each other so well, she could be herself around him and he accepted her … warts and all … she missed it too.

Why was he always braver than her?

Disappointed at the lack of response, he picked up the orange soda and offered it to her.

She shook her head. Cutting out soda had been the most difficult, and she resolved not to let it slide.

Joe stood up and picked up his now empty glass, ‘Some more water then?’

Glad of something other than him to think about, Cam nodded, downed the remainder of hers and offered it to him without looking.

He disappeared into the bathroom.

Cam leaped up taking her pillow with her and went to the opposite corner. She’d intended to scream into it, but something else grabbed her attention and she went to the door, pressing her ear against it, wide-eyed.

She was still there when Joe emerged and their eyes locked.

‘What?’ he asked, puzzlement and hope both showing on his face.

‘Donna’s back!’ she hissed, 'I think they’re arguing.’ 

Joe put down the glasses and went over to listen too.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


	9. Donna

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ch 9

1.25 p.m.

Donna wondered who really was doing this party as she struggled to open the front door juggling the shopping bags full of food and her keys. 

Not that she minded that much, she really did love a good party and Joanie’s heart was in the right place. 

She hoped that she’d ordered the cake as Donna had reminded her at least ten times. But she was looking forward to surprising her youngest whatever.

She was nervous about the fireworks that were bound to happen between Cam and Joe.

Joanie having ignored her advice to just ask one of them, Joe being the obvious choice, having been more consistently there for Haley in recent years.

She loved Cam, but even she had to admit that Joe was the more stable of the two these days. He'd changed considerably over the years and they had a much better relationship since they’d aired their differences the night Gordon died.

Donna opened the door and frowned at her eldest daughter, who was sat at the foot of the stairs, obviously having heard her car and was waiting for her.

She had what Donna could only describe as that ‘look’ on her face and she immediately knew something was up. 

She raised an eyebrow, ‘What? Oh Joanie, don’t tell me you forgot to order it?’

Joanie shook her head and pressing her fingers to her lips, motioned for Donna to follow her into the kitchen. Donna passed some of the shopping bags to Joanie.

‘OK, now promise you won’t be mad …’ she whispered. 

‘Now, I’m not promising any such thing. You'd better not do anything to embarrass her, you know she'll hate that.’

'No, mom, it’s nothing to do with Haley!’

‘OK, then what? And where are Cam and Joe? I thought they were arriving this morning? Have there already been fireworks? Haley’s going to heart-broken if they aren’t …’

‘MOM! SHUT UP! That’s what I need to tell you,’ Joanie took a deep breath and confessed all.

Donna listened wide-eyed, in shock, interrupting with questions and loud exclamations.

And she finally said, ‘Oh my God! So, they’re in there now?’ she couldn’t help but say in a voice louder than she’d meant too.

‘Shhhh!’ Joanie said nodding.

Wow. 

Her daughter was … crazy and amazing. 

'Joanie, sweetheart, I know you think you’re doing the right thing, but you’ve got to let them out. It’s not fair.’

'No way!!!’ she hissed, ‘They are getting out when Haley’s back and not before. I’ve worked too damn hard. And everyone, EVERYONE, I’ve spoken to said that she just needs to talk to him. YOU said it, Bos said it, and today, even SHE said it. But she is just too chicken shit to do it.’

Donna knew there was no arguing with her daughter, not when her mind was made up. 

She was too willful; Donna knew where she got it from. 

‘OK, OK. But you know there will be retribution, right?’

‘What?’ asked Joanie.

‘Consequences, payback. Probably not from Joe, but definitely from Cam. And I’m not going to stand in her way, this is all on you. I wash my hands.’

‘Nope, I don’t think so, they, she, will thank me, you just wait and see,’ Joanie said vehemently, ‘They frickin’ LUUURVE each other. I am talking capital L-O-V-E, luuuuurve. You should read what they wrote about each other … OH MY GOD!’

Donna was impressed despite herself, but she had to be the voice of reason.

‘Joanie, sweetheart! Just because two people love each other, it doesn’t mean they can be in a relationship with each other. You’ll learn that someday. Sometimes things just don’t work out. Cam and Joe have tried it already, twice. Your dad and me, we still loved each other, but it had simply run its course …’

‘NO MOM, YOU’RE WRONG! LOVE CONQUERS ALL!’ Joanie was shouting now; she was trying to keep her tears from falling. ‘They’re not getting out, OK?’

Donna had never realised what a romantic Joanie was. She was perplexed as to why this was so important to her. It wasn’t as if Cam and Joe had just split up. But did she know she had to act fast to stop her daughter’s imminent meltdown.

‘OK, OK, OK. Joanie!’ she raised her hands in a gesture of defeat, ‘Listen, I want you to be right. I know these last two years of having to choose between them has been hard on you and Haley, so if this …’ she waved her hand in the direct of the stairs, ‘Stops that, then, you’ve done a good thing, a great thing.’ she paused for emphasis, Joanie was glowering but listening, ‘But today is Haley’s birthday and we have a party to organise! OK?’ Donna gave her daughter a wide open smile.

Joanie came down from Defcon 5 and laughed at her mum, and she nodded in agreement, wiping her eyes.

Crisis averted, thought Donna, she wasn’t a managing partner for nothing.

‘OK, I’m going to go and change and have a shower. You put the food away,’ she indicated the bags sat on the counter, ‘Can I at least talk to them?’

‘Through the door only,’ Joanie cautioned.

‘Of course!’

‘I will put the food away, but I’m not missing this!’ Joanie said excitedly.

Donna headed upstairs with Joanie hot on her heels.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


	10. Lunch Break's Over

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ch 10

1.40 p.m. 

They were both straining to hear after the shouting stopped and jumped at the sound of Donna’s voice right on the other side of the door.

'Cam? Joe? Are you guys OK?’

‘Donna, thank God! Let us out of here!’ said Cam desperately and she rattled the door in frustration.

‘Donna, do you have the key?’ asked Joe.

It was Donna and Joanie’s turn to jump hearing their voices so close.

‘Oh, I tried, but you know what she’s like, she’s made her mind up …’

Joanie made a face at Donna, who waved her quiet, continuing, ‘Look, listen, she said you’ll be out before Haley gets back just after 5. So just sit tight, OK?’

Both Cam and Joe erupted, letting it be known that the situation was very far from all right.

‘Look, I’m really sorry guys, I didn’t know about any of this, I swear! Do you need anything?

Joanie opened her hands and frowned, mouthing ‘What?’ incredulous.

Donna cringed in embarrassment, throwing her hands up, she’d reverted to mom-mode automatically, ‘Oh! Sorry, that was a stupid thing to say! OK, I’m going to have a shower and then help get the party ready. Look, ... just … stay calm and sit tight!’

‘Donna! DONNA!’ 

‘Oh! You can do anything to Joanie when you’re out, just don’t kill her. I’m quite fond of her really!’ Donna smiled at Joanie and headed to her bedroom. 

She pointed downstairs and mouthed ‘Food,’ and ‘Cake?’ to Joanie, who nodded and went downstairs. 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Inside the room, Joe and Cam stood at the door, listening.

‘I think she’s gone.’ ventured Joe.

‘GODDAMN IT!’ shouted Cam in frustration.

Joe looked at her and then couldn’t help laughing. He needed the release.

She lasered in on him, ‘This is NOT funny!’

It made him laugh more. After a pause, she couldn’t stop a small snort too, ‘Fuck! ... OK it kinda is …’ and she shook her head, ‘But she is so dead.’

He could only nod.

She grabbed the bottle opener off the desk and sat down again, ‘OK, if we’re gonna do this, MacMillan, then I’m having another one of these.’ and she opened another beer, taking a long draft.

He looked her in confusion, ‘Do what?’

‘I have a lot questions about this,’ and she pointed to the stack of emails, ‘And I’m sure you have just as many about that.’ and she pointed to the letter on the desk.

‘Oh.’ he exhaled forcefully.

He grabbed a beer too and moved back to the bed, picking up the letter on his way. 

Before he could sit down, she said, ‘OK can you pass the trash can?’ as she scooped up all the tissues from the floor and the bed.

He obliged and she dumped them in.

‘And don’t make any comment about me tidying.’

‘As if I’d dare risk your wrath.’ he raised his hand up in a gesture of surrender as he put the trash can down again, ‘OK, so how do we do this? One question each?’

Sigh, swig, ‘OK, agreed.’

‘So who goes first?’

‘Ermmm, I guess it’s your turn as I made you better.’ The alcohol was humming around her body, and was making her more confident. 

He snorted and raised his eyebrows. He was momentarily dumbfounded. 

‘C’mon, we only have another three more hours of this, do your worst.’ she challenged brazenly.

‘OK,’ and he sat up turning to her, picking up the paper and shuffled to a middle page. 

He had a solemn look on his face.

She was suddenly nervous, shit, what had she done?

‘Alright, first question, why did you show Joanie how to give head?’

Cam’s face was a picture, her mouth opened and closed, ‘Wh-What? No! … NO! … I … did not … that’s a lie … It does not say that!’ She went to grab the paper, but he moved it out of her reach.

She was sure she hadn’t.

He laughed and had wicked glint in his eye, ‘Gotcha!’ 

But then he wagged a finger at her, ‘But you did discuss some of that stuff with her, right?’ 

The stern look was back, and she looked down at her hands.

This must be how his errant students felt, she thought.

‘That’s private, Cam. How am I supposed to look her in the eye knowing that she knows those intimate details? She’s like a daughter to me!’

Cam put her hands over her face, ‘I know! I know! I never meant to say so much, I’m sorry, OK!’ she opened her hands, trying to explain, ‘She was asking me for advice, woman to woman … and she was so sad … You know she’d just broken up with her first love, and she was a wreck. She blamed bedroom issues, or maybe she just suckered me. … But I was just trying to help. I’m sorry, it was easier using real examples. It’s not my fault that the be … most sex I’ve had is with you.’ 

She tried and failed to gloss over her slip.

‘The best sex?’ he raised his eyebrows suggestively, looking slyly at her now.

She narrowed her eyes at him, ‘That’s more than one question.’ she downed some more beer and refused to be drawn any further, only saying, ‘I didn’t say too much, general stuff, don’t stress, OK?’ 

It was mostly true.

This was getting distinctly flirtatious, but at least she’d managed to stop him being pissed at her.

As always, the physical side with him was so easy, and the spark was still there after all these years. But there were other things she needed to know first.

She put her beer down on the bedside table and turned back to him, unconsciously narrowing the gap between them a little.

Seeing her face, he grew serious again and waited for her to speak.

‘Do you think we … I … was too hasty to … end it last time?’ she held a finger up, signalling him to wait, as she tried to organise her thoughts, ‘That if we’d been kinder to each other, given each other the space we needed to grieve Gordon, re-calibrated after Comet ended and all that shit was happening with me, that we’d have stayed together? That it could have worked?’ 

There was a desperation in her voice.

She looked at him, her eyes wide, fresh tears sparkling at their corners.

‘OK, listen,’ he turned and shifted towards her leaning in, ‘That wasn’t just on you, you know, I am as much to blame for us breaking up as you, so stick with ‘we'.’

From the intense look on her face, he knew she needed something.

He looked down, searching his own feelings and he met her eyes again. 

He exhaled softly, ‘What I’m getting from all of this,’ and he indicated both the letter and her, ‘Is that you want to know that if we try again then it’s going to work. That we’re gonna be alright, right?’ 

She dipped her head ever so slightly, imploring him to continue.

‘I can’t give you that. … I can’t, Cam. … That’s the future. You and I both know we can only live in the present. You don’t think that I’m just as terrified as you that if we try again, it’s going to fail ... again?’ 

He looked directly at her now, his eyes burned with an intensity that she knew well.

He quickly continued, ‘But, what I do know is, … the certainty of not having you in my life, being alone in this self-imposed … purgatory, …’ he paused considering his next words, ‘Aching for you, and always comparing everyone I meet, to you, as opposed to the sheer joy of being with you, and whether that lasts just a few months or a couple of years or … forever. Then I will take that uncertain future every time.’

Wow.

He always was so eloquent.

Her bottom lip wobbled, her eyes danced back and forth, searching his face, taking in what he was telling her. 

Knowing it was true and that she felt the same way.

‘Shit, that was beautiful.’

‘And yet you say ‘shit’,’ he teased. He carried on after a brief pause, ‘What tears me apart is not having any contact with you. I’m to blame for the start, but I ... I just needed some time, breaking up with you, again ... really hurt.’ he paused, 'But I thought we’d get over that.’ he exhaled forcefully, ‘These last couple of years, I thought you hated me.’ 

A lump came into her throat, and she failed to blink the tears away.

It was her turn to be brave.

She took a deep breath and clasped his hand in her two.

He waited while she composed herself enough to speak.

‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to ... I didn't mean to hurt you ... I really didn't.’ she looked at him, imploring him to understand, ‘I was trying to set us both free, by not seeing you. I was trying to 'get over' you and hoped you’d do the same.' she faltered, searching for something poignant to say. She failed, instead coming up with, 'But I ... I just can’t seem to, you’re like a tick, you’re just dug in too damn deep.’

'A tick? Well, thank you.’ he said sarcastically.

‘It’s just an expression!’ she said hastily, 'But l just mean ... I love you … and I always have.’ she it rushed out. 

It was simple, but it was as if a weight had been lifted from her. 

She looked at him and then leaned against his arm, closing her eyes. 

She felt him turn slightly and opened her eyes to see him looking down at her fondly with a sweet smile.

She returned it.

‘You know she’s never going to let us forget this.’ he observed wryly.

‘You think we could keep it from her?’

‘What? Have a big fight?’

‘Hmmm,’ she considered, then she said quietly, ‘No, I don't want fight with you, I want ...’ but rather than finish, she moved up to kiss him tenderly on the lips.

They broke but stayed close looking at each other.

Joe raised his arm and resettled it behind her. Like he'd done a thousand times in the past.

He pulled her up and leaned in to plant a series of soft kisses on her lips, stopping in between to whisper, ‘I’m still not bored of you.’ He finished with a gentle kiss on her temple.

They sat like that just enjoying their new intimacy, lost in thought. 

Joe broke first, ‘OK, I’m not obsessing, but I’m clearing the bed.’ 

He started putting the remains of their impromptu picnic back into a cooler and their emails and letters into the pink box. 

She laughed and picked some crumbs up, 'Are you going to be OK? There’s no vacuum cleaner ...’ 

He smiled, remembering what she was referring to, 'I think I’ll manage.’

Just before he took them away, Cam grabbed the pack of Sweethearts and opened them onto the bed. 

Joe sat back and they wrapped themselves around each other again.

She showed him a candy heart, which read ‘I LOVE YOU’ and then fed it to him, surprising him and he chuckled.

He sat up, sorting through the various options, giving each serious consideration before choosing ‘TRUE LOVE’ for her. 

She smiled and took ‘FIRST LOVE’ giving it to him. 

‘I was? Really?’ he asked through a mouthful.

She nodded, ‘Erm ... hmm.’

‘Wow.’ and he gave her ‘SOUL MATE’ in return.

It was true, they were, and her heart nearly burst. 

They looked at each other, finally realising a truth that they'd both tried to resist for years. 

She laughed, ‘OK, OK, enough!’ and scooped up the sweets and dumped them on her bedside table.

‘How about that champagne?’ she asked.

‘I think it’ll be too warm.’

‘Do you want to ask for some ice?’

He snickered, ‘No, it’s OK, I don’t need any champagne. This is enough.’ and he pulled her into him.

They locked eyes, and he sought to reassure the doubt he saw in hers. He put his hand on her face, cupping it and kissed her, ‘I love you, OK?’

‘OK,' she said softly, then, ‘What time is it?’

‘Nearly 2.40.’

‘Oh my God!’ she said stretching her arms up and rubbing her eyes.

‘Tired?’

‘Yeah, I don’t know how I’m gonna last to be all chipper for Haley.’

‘Well we’ve got a few hours; I could do with a nap too.’ he admitted.

‘A nap? Because you’re so old now?’ she teased.

He looked at her raising his eyebrows at her and she giggled as she scooted down the bed. 

He followed suit, after putting his glasses next to his unfinished beer.

‘Snuggle?’ he asked.

‘Yes.' she replied smiling.

They turned towards each other, it was a little awkward, but eventually they settled with her arm around his waist and lower back, and his around her upper back and shoulders, his hand cupped her head.

Cam always liked how warm he was and the way he smelled. She leaned forward to kiss the exposed skin at the base of his throat, he sighed appreciatively.

She felt his voice vibrate there as he asked, ‘You do want to sleep right?’

‘Ah, yeah?’

‘Well, maybe you shouldn’t do that.’

‘Oh, OK,’ she said and smiled. 

There would be time for sex later. 

Neither seemed to be in a hurry to consummate their new relationship, rather revelling in each other’s closeness.

They went quiet and listened as the odd noise drifted up from other parts of the house. 

As she lay in his arms, Cam thought about how right it felt. Something had settled in place inside of her. She rued all the time wasted trying to resist the yearning of her heart. Her body having decided on him from the day they'd met, it'd only been her brain that had stubbornly resisted. 

Magically, it seemed that he felt the same way. 

Their breathing began to sync and slow, and they drifted off.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


	11. Freedom

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ch 11

3.35 p.m.

Joanie crept slowly up the stairs. Pretty much everything was ready for the party. Between her and Donna, they’d decorated the living room and pool area with balloons. The fairy lights were up permanently.

She just needed to put the finishing touches to a second banner for the pool area and get the food ready.

Donna had made a start and Joanie would help after going out and picking up the cake.

But first to check on her little side project.

She stood at the door, listening intently for a couple of minutes.

Silence.

She knocked, ‘Hey, listen up, losers. Haley’s going to be home in just over an hour and a half, so you can shower and make yourselves presentable. Then I’ll consider letting you out for good behavior. OK?’

Man, she was enjoying this.

No answer.

She knocked again, ‘Hey, you in there! Did you hear me? Or have you killed each other? ... I knew I should’ve given you plastic glasses!’

There was still no answer.

It briefly went through Joanie's head that maybe they actually had and she tempted fate by joking about it.

Joanie knocked again, more forcefully, 'Hey, did you hear me? Or are you not talking to me now?' 

She suddenly wondered if her plan would irrevocably damage her relationship with them both. The thought made her go cold.

‘We heard you.’ came Joe’s voice. 

‘You are so dead when we get out!’ Cam added.

‘Yeah, yeah … just wait ‘til after we surprise her, OK?’

Joanie smiled again as she went back downstairs.

They’d both said ‘we,’ so things must be at least cordial.

A bit longer and with the added fun of ‘shower time’ would definitely help, she thought wickedly. 

She wondered if she should have given them three cases of beer.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After they heard Joanie’s retreating footsteps, Joe and Cam stretched out on the bed, but turned to look at each other again.

They stayed in close contact, still being soft and sleepy.

Joe interlocked his fingers with hers and she put her hand up to his face, stroking his beard.

‘Hmmm,‘ she sighed contentedly, ‘Ah man, I could kill for a cup of coffee.’

‘Oh yeah, me too,’ he agreed.

‘I’m gonna put a complaint in to the boss of this place, there should’ve been a coffee maker or at least flask in here! Goddamn teenagers obsessed with alcohol!’ she moaned.

Joe snickered, ‘She did pretty well though. Did you see the His n Her towels?’

‘I know!’ and she shook her head.

‘Donna told me she was worried that Joanie wasn’t focused this semester, she’s worried she’s going to flunk. Well now we know why.’ he observed.

‘Maybe now she’ll be OK.’

They lapsed into silence again.

Cam took a deep breath, ‘So how’s this going to work?’ looking up at him.

‘You can take a shower first, that’s OK … or …’ and he raised his eyebrows suggestively, ‘We can have one toge ...’

‘No!’ and she sat up, ‘I mean this. I’m in Miami and you’re in Armonk …’

‘Ahhh,’ and he looked down at their entwined hands, ‘I don’t know, we’ll figure it out. Don’t make it into a big deal, OK? Right now, this …’ and he moved their hands between them, ‘This is perfect. Let’s enjoy it.’

She looked doubtful.

He tried again, ‘Do you trust me, Cam? Do you think that I’m going to let something like a mere thousand miles keep us apart again?’

She smiled, knowing he wouldn’t. He never let anything get in the way of something he wanted.

It would be fine, and so she nodded, ‘OK.’

He pulled her back down to kiss her, his tongue delving into her mouth. 

She moaned and her body responded to his.

She came up for air first, ‘OK, let’s go take that shower, at least there's there's plenty of soap.’ she said smiling mischievously.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

4.45 p.m.

The doorbell rang and Joanie let Bos and Diane in, a few others had already arrived and were already sat in the living room.

Diane went into the kitchen; knowing she’d find Donna there. 

Bos went into the living room, but quickly reappeared to ask Joanie where Cam was. Concern creased his face and she guessed he thought the worst.

‘OK, listen Bos, I don’t have time to explain all now, but … uh … Cam and Joe are both here and maybe you could do me a big favour and go and get them? Her voice went high, showing her nerves.

‘What now?’

Joanie gave him the key and pointed upstairs, ‘Second door on the left, maybe knock first.’

‘They’re in there ... together?’ but Joanie had already disappeared.

Bos looked at the key and shook his head, he had no idea what was going on. 

Then he remembered seeing her at New Year's, and she’d asked about the pair. He’d cautioned her not to get involved with things that didn’t concern her. He’d told her it would be like poking a hornets’ nest, it would only lead to trouble.

He knocked softly on the door, ‘Cameron? Joe? It’s Bos, are you guys in there? Are you … all right?’

After a beat, Cam’s voice was just the other side of the door, ‘Bos! Tell me you have the key? Let us out.’

‘All right, all right, hold your horses!’ but he quickly obliged.

Cam came out, kissed him quickly, and was already looking passed him down the stairs, ‘Where’s Joanie?’ but she was off before he could answer.

Joe came out the room and smiled sheepishly at Bos, who was looking in puzzlement after Cam. He then turned and focused on him, ‘Hi Joe. Are you going to tell me what in the Sam Hill’s going on?’

‘Joanie hatched a plan to get us back together.’

‘Did it work?’ 

Joe paused and then couldn’t prevent a big smile spreading across his face.

‘Well waddaya know?’ and Bos beamed.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

5.00 p.m.

Cam found Donna first, who immediately pulled her aside and stopped her from going any further.

‘Hey Cam! Cam! Oh my GOD, I’m SO sorry. Are you OK?’ she peered at her friend, and Diane hovered behind her.

‘Yes, yes, fine. Where’s Joanie?’ 

‘I don’t know, hiding from you, I imagine!’ and she gave a short laugh, ‘But Haley’s going to be here in about 10 or 15, so could you save it ‘til after? I want everyone in the living room, as quiet as and this area clear.’

Bos and Joe appeared. 

Cam looked at Joe and Donna saw his expression; and how he was looking at Cam.

‘Oh my Gaud. So, it actually worked?’ Donna was gobsmacked. 

Cam nodded once and gave her a small smile, but Donna could see how her eyes shone, ‘Do not tell her! OK?’

Donna’s face lit up and she hugged Cam and made a grab for Joe’s hand. 

Releasing them she said, ‘OK! OK! My lips are sealed!’ she raised her hands, ‘Now all of you scoot! Grab a drink as I want to do a quick toast, they’re all in there and be quiet!’

They did as they told and moved into the living room. 

There were about 10 to 12 people inside, a couple of them that Joe knew from Comet who Haley had kept in contact with. He went over to greet them.

Cam looked, but Joanie wasn’t there. Who was the chicken shit now? she thought.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


	12. Haley

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haley arrives home!

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ch 12

5.17 p.m.

When Haley pulled up with her girlfriend Ellie, Joanie was smoking on the driveway.

Out front was the only place that Donna would allow it, well except when there was a party, but she was trying to hide and keep up the pretence of a normal Saturday night.

It was actually her second cigarette, having lit up another one to stay out there and she was feeling a little sick. She reasoned it was more to do with Cam and Joe, than the smokes. 

Haley got out and took out a small collection of gifts and balloons. 

‘Hey Punk! What’s all this?’ asked Joanie, forcing herself to smile.

Haley beamed, ‘Ahhh from the guys at work! There was cake too! Today was actually really fun!’

Joanie marveled, pretty much everyone who met her little sister warmed to her instantly. 

Joanie felt a twinge of jealously that she didn’t have her same easy charm. 

As Cam had rightly said, she was hard to navigate.

‘And she hasn’t even got mine yet!’ chimed in Ellie.

‘Hey El!’ Joanie greeted her, and they shared a conspiratory wink as Haley went inside.

Donna had warned everyone when she saw the car pull up and was hovering in the kitchen. The door to the living room was never usually shut, so it was only pulled part way and she hoped Haley wouldn’t notice.

‘Hey birthday girl, how was your day?’

‘Awesome! Thanks. I’m gonna change, OK?’

‘Sure, don’t be long, the pizzas are on the way. I’ve got your favourite and a couple of others.’

‘Great!’ Haley turned and then came back when Ellie didn’t follow ‘Aren’t you coming?’

Ellie grinned and tapped her nose saying, ‘Maybe I’ve got a little birthday something to talk to your mom about, it may or may not involve something with candles! You’ve got 5 minutes to come back down. Now shoo!’

Haley grinned broadly, ‘Ohhh well, you’ve just ruined the surprise!’ and off she went.

In the living room, there were smiles all round as they listened in.

Joanie poked her head through the door and spotted Joe and Cam. Her hopes fell when she saw they were on opposite sides of the room. 

Cam was over near the open patio doors with Bos and Diane, and was looking daggers at her.

Shit.

Joe was nearer her with some ex-Comet people, at least he looked relatively neutral, more sad than angry.

Her stomach turned over and she felt a lump rise in her throat.

She quickly retreated to wait for Haley to reappear. She plastered a smile on her face and tried to remember parties were supposed to be fun.

The doorbell sounded, 'Haley, the pizza's here!’ yelled Donna, and she went to pay the delivery boy.

Haley came down the stairs, ‘Yay!’

‘So, what do you wanna do? Watch a movie, play a game or just chill?’ Joanie asked her.

Haley picked up one of her gifts from earlier and started, ‘Well, I’ve got this great new game today, it’s called …’ but she stopped as she walked in the living and saw everyone.

‘Happy birthday, Punk!’ Joanie whispered, her eyes shining with tears, pulling her sister into a tight embrace, as everyone sang ‘Happy Birthday’.

Haley was clearly delighted. She ran and hugged Joe first before everyone. Joanie and Joe locked eyes over Haley, and he smiled at her. Joanie went to him as Haley moved off around the group.

‘Hey, I’m sorry …’ she started and then screamed in surprise as in one easy move, Joe picked her up and put her over his shoulder.

She tried to escape but he was too strong, telling her, ‘You’re going in the pool, that’s it, that’s the punishment. It’s pretty lenient considering.’

Joanie was yelling and kicking for all she was worth, as she tried to escape.

Everyone, including Haley, was looking at them in wide-eyed shock. Only Donna, Bos and Diane were laughing openly. 

Cam was following, gloating and Joanie struggled even more repeatedly apologising and asking them to let her go. 

Her increased agitation meant that when Joe attempted to pitch her in, he lost his balance too and they both splashed spectacularly fully clothed into the pool. 

Cam shrieked in delight, remembering when she did the same at another of Donna’s parties. 

As Joe and Joanie resurfaced, Cam took her shoes off and impulsively, jumped in as well, much to everyone’s amusement.

Joe could just about stand, but he was up to his jaw. He grabbed Joanie, who was treading water, and clumsily planted a kiss on her wet cheek, saying ‘Thank you.’ Joanie stopped struggling and looked at him, open-mouthed, asking the question with her eyes, he nodded as Cam came up, draped herself over him and they kissed in front of her.

‘NO FUCKING WAY! OH - MY - GOD!’ Joanie screamed in delight, making the water ripple more. Cam grabbed her and pulled her into a hug, saying, ‘OK, you’re officially the Queen Big Dick now, I relinquish my title.’

Haley’d squealed in sheer surprise when Cam and Joe kissed.

‘What’s happening? she asked her mom, who was next to her, but Donna couldn’t speak for laughing. She just threw her arms around her youngest instead.

Everyone was around the pool watching them curiously, smiling and laughing. 

The three got out and a dripping Joanie grabbed a stunned Haley, and said, 'I hope you like your birthday present!’ indicating Cam and Joe. 

The bedraggled couple decided to sit either side of an equally dripping Joanie on the edge of the pool, laughing together as they shed what they could of their wet clothing. 

Joanie and Joe’s wet shoes went in a pile.

Joanies’ eyes shone with happiness and she basked in the warm glow of affection. 

The day’s events, and Joanie’s scheme came out as they sat there. 

Haley was in awe of her sister.

Donna went off to get towels, refusing all three entrance to the house until they were drier. 

As she went, she told people to go help themselves to food. 

When she came back, she was also carrying a bottle of champagne and had roped in Ellie, who was gingerly carrying a tray of tall champagne flutes.

After handing out the towels, Donna told everyone else to go fill their glasses as she popped the cork and poured glasses for her daughters, Cam, Joe, Bos, Diane, Ellie and herself.

She made a lovely speech to Haley for her birthday. She thanked everyone for coming and also included a nice reference to the dripping Joanie, Cam and Joe.

The party continued and the three were allowed to go and change.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


	13. Party's Over (or Fate episode 1 'Cliffhanger')

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ch 13

22.40 p.m.

As soon as she'd been able, Donna'd put Cam and Joe’s clothes in the dryer, including Joe’s shoes as he’d only brought one pair for the short visit. Except his shoes, which were on a second cycle, the rest of the clothes had been returned to them.

The party was pretty much over, the majority of people had drifted off, either going home or onto somewhere else. It was a Saturday night after all.

Now only the mis-matched family were still there, and they sat around in the living room. 

Cam was sat across Joe’s lap at one end of the sofa, their arms around each other, with Haley and Ellie next to them, and Joanie curled up in an armchair the other side of Joe. Donna, Diane and Bos were on another sofa, facing them.

‘So what happens now?’ Joanie asked Cam and Joe, as inquisitive as ever.

‘Joanie!’ exclaimed Donna, shooting her daughter a warning look.

‘What?’ said Joanie in mock innocence.

‘I think you’ve done quite enough, let them figure it out from here.’ Donna apologised to Cam and Joe.

Joe said slowly, ‘It’s OK, I’m going to look into colleges in Miami.’

Cam looked at him, ‘Really?’ she asked incredulously.

He nodded, ‘But it might not be ‘til the fall. I know you want to be near your mom.’ he squeezed her hand.

She leaned in and put her forehead next to his, ‘Thank you,’ she whispered. 

‘Well, it depends on the available positions, but I’ll see what I can do.’ he smiled back at her, she leaned in and kissed him. 

He returned it. It was long and sensuous and they both seemed forget where they were.

Everyone was aware of the shift.

Of course, it was Joanie, who was the first to break to mood, whooping loudly and shouting, ‘Oh my GAUD! Get a room!’ at the top of her lungs.

All the assembled, including Cam and Joe, started laughing.

‘OK,’ said Bos, looking at Diane, ‘I think that’s our cue.’

She nodded, ‘Yes, good idea, John.’

They stood up to say their goodbyes and wished Haley a happy birthday again. The others got up to hug them.

Cam stood in front of Joe holding his hand behind her, but she broke off to give Bos a full hug.

‘Hey darling, so I’ll be seeing you soon, right? It’s this one’s birthday in next month, yes?’ He indicated Joanie.

‘Yes, I hope so, and, yes, it is.’ 

He pulled her tighter, and whispered, ‘I’m so happy for you two, just relax and enjoy it, OK?’ he knew her so well.

‘OK,’ she promised, and smiled at him.

Bos hugged Joe and said how good it was to see him.

Cam and Joe exchanged a look, and Cam said, ‘OK, we’re heading up too.’

They ignored the knowing smiles, ‘Yes, yes, whatever.’ said Cam, rolling her eyes grabbing Joe’s hand and leading him upstairs.

When everyone had left, Donna and her daughters resettled on the sofa, either side of her, with Ellie on the other side of Haley.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
> So, I HAVE written the next scene .... but you know these two, it's going to get smutty, so I'll post as a new 'Fate' Part 2. I want to continue to the next day etc etc but I'm half-way through another epic 'Curious', a whole rainy weekend at Joe's place in Dallas in October 1983, when they're all loved up...taking a bit longer as have major life shit happening, might (I said might) be getting resolved now - don't you just hate that when life gets in the way of fiction?


End file.
